the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
