At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
