His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
