she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
