Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize