we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
