In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
