Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
