I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
