He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
