hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
