1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize