Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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