How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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