Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
