I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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