Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
