I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
