We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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