o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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