after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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