i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
