we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
