plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
