Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
FUCK WHALES
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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