I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
