i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
