Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
