this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
