Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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