I wish I only lived at night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
