someone get that fucking seahorse.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
