My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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