I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize