Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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