Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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