just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
