Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
