one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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