Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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