and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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