I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
