When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
