dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
