Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
