I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she peed on how many people?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
