whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
