Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
