i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
