My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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