remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
