marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
