i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
