By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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