I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
