I cannot find my penis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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