yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize