Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
