i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize