i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
