I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
