On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
