Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
