about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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