I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
