so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
