Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
