Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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